11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
These tits shall not be calmed
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
