Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
