but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
