I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize
