So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
