i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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