Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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