do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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