yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Randomize
