I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
