That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
