I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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