dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
then he tried to convert me to islam
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
