need another drink. this is the easiest way
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Well I just put wine in my tea
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize