I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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