somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
