you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize