Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
