i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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