He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Someone came in the potted fern
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
