I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
