There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
she was so not down for the gang bang
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
