Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
