WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
someone owes me an orgasm
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
