she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
