Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize
