STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
