i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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