I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
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