I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
