I CAN MOONWALK!
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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