I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
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