there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
