McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Randomize
