hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
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