Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
