If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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