He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
