apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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