I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Randomize
