i would punch a child for taco bell
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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