I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
