I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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