my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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