Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
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