Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
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