Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
