ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
