before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize