did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Randomize
