I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
should my penis look like a turkey
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
