I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
So vagazzling was a success
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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