i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
