apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Randomize
