so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Randomize
