We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
The adults are the big ones right?
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
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