thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
