i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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