It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
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