just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
