I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
