She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
i think i just lost a toe
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Randomize
