i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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