Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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