Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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