She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
i black out too much to be "responsible"
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
