Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
