I'm going to jail i love you
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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