I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize