Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
