I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
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