yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Randomize
