we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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