he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize
