Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
