He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
