Nicole vs. Life
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
