I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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