I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize