I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
