I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
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