shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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