OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Randomize
