You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
