I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
