you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
