I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize