So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
