soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
