Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize
