i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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