i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Found the puke drawer
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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