did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize