ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
