yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
did i just pee glitter
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
