I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
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