i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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