I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
