had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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