You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I need to calm my uterus...
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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