Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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