I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
