omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Randomize
