dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize