You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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