Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize